My Wishes for You

I realized that after the shower, everyone left "Wishes for Baby" except me! So here are mine...

I hope you learn at an early age the importance of being able to say "no" (just not to Me!).
I hope you aren't afraid to stand up to the mistreatment of others.
I hope you love the arts, cooking with me, and using your imagination.
I hope you get to see all the places in the world you dream of going.
I hope you laugh all night long with your friends at slumber parties.
I hope you never forget that it's never too late to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you."
I hope you ignore any voice in your head that says "I am not good enough."
I hope you become a kind and generous woman.
I hope you respect time and being punctual & dependable.
I hope you grow up to be comfortable in your own skin.

Love, Mom

Preparing for Birth

This week Nick and I started to formally focus on birth education and preparation. I have been reading a book about Hypnobirthing and watching YouTube videos of hypnobirths and find it to be quite fascinating. Since we had already signed up for childbirthing classes through Seton hospital, I wasn't about to register for a Hypnobirthing series as well. Instead, I found a local therapist who specializes in hypnosis and contacted her about meeting with us for the specific purpose of training for birth using hypnosis as a tool for relaxation and pain relief.

When I first mentioned this idea to Nick about 6 weeks ago, he was supportive of me doing it. I called and talked to the therapist and she asked if I had a birth partner (yes) and if he was supportive (yes). I said that he wasn't really into "this kind of thing" and that I would be coming on my own. She said that it would be best if Nick came with me. I discussed it with him and he was agreeable, but was firm on the fact that I would be the one being hypnotized, and not him.

So we went Monday for our first visit. Like most therapy sessions, the hour flies by. I cant say that I was hypnotized, but the whole process felt like a meditation exercise or a relaxation tool. The therapist guided me through breathing and imagery. She tried to levitate my arm, which was not really working and encouraged me to practice every day. I am supposed to think of "safe place" images over the newt two weeks. Nick's role will be to help guide and coach me and support me with verbal and physical cues. His role in the session was basically an observer. At moments it did feel a little awkward. I would try not to laugh and was thinking about what he must be thinking! We go back in 2 weeks.

Wednesday night our 6-session childbirth classes started at Seton. They are from 7-9 p.m. every week and the first one was pretty basic. There were about 8 couples in the class and three of us all have the same due date, September 21! That was kind of funny. I was getting really tired by the end of it. We watched a 12-min birth video and learned birth lingo and stages of birth. It's hard to believe that we will be putting all of this into practice in just 7 weeks.

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant and I can officially say now that it's August, we are going to have baby NEXT MONTH!!

Tea Party Shower

Yesterday my friends and sister hosted a baby shower for me at one of my favorite places in town, The Tea Embassy! The Tea Embassy is a tea shop that is in a historic home in downtown Austin. It was a really lovely time! We enjoyed tea, french macarons (my favorite!), pastries and tea sandwiches. It was decorated so nicely and Sarah took some great pictures. I really enjoyed all my sweet friends and the loved showered on Baby and me!

Each guest wrote out a card, "Wishes for Baby" and here are some of my favorite wishes...
" I hope you respect spiritual/faith traditions."- Elizabeth
" I hope you get very few time-outs." -Alicia
" I hope you become an artist in your mind." -Emily
" I hope you ignore FOX news." - Sarah
" I hope you ignore haters."- Jess
" I hope you learn to play an instrument." - Darshana
" I hope you grow more than 5 feet tall!!"- Doran
" I hope you become as cool as your mom."- Stephanie
" I hope you respect your elders."- Lisa
" I hope you never forget your roots." -Steph
" I hope you never forget how much you will be loved."- Dad

Sarah and Me (32w1d)

Slowing Down

I am slowing down. This weekend I had such lofty goals. A checklist of things that have been begging to be crossed off.  Actually my Friday was quite slow and I did not even leave the apartment until after 5. I thought with such a restful end to a busy week, I would be energized for the weekend.

Prenatal Pilates Class

In fact, I woke up early to attend a free pre-natal pilates class at Lululemon in The Domain. The class was sponsored through The Bump Club of Austin and I was excited because I haven't done a pilates class in years. When I arrived at the store, I quickly felt like I might not belong. First, I was not dressed clad in Lululemon apparel, wasn't carrying a designer handbag, and had absolutely no make-up on. It was 8:15 on a Saturday...who has time to primp before an exercise class? And who spends $100+ on yoga pants, anyway? Evidently these people do.

Anyway, the class began and it was so hot. I was already sweating before the class began, and wished I'd worn shorts. The instructor said the mall controls the A/C so there was no way to make it cooler. This was starting to feel cruel. About half way into the class I started to feel dizzy and my head was tingling. I had to stop. I sat down on the exercise ball and tried to recover gracefully while the others continued. I couldn't believe I was the only one suffering here! I came back to finish the class and stayed to see the "fashion show" at the end, where everyone "oohed and aaahed" over the overpriced bras, shrugs, pants and tank-tops (Have these people never heard of Target?).

After class I met a friend downtown for brunch and had a nice time catching up with her. After that, I hit a wall. All I could think about was laying down, and staying down. And that is pretty much what I did the rest of the day and night. Walking is starting to feel like a chore. My belly aches when I change positions in the bed. My back is tight. Sunday wasn't much different. Nick and I walked across the street for breakfast and then set off on some errands. I would not have made it out on my own. Grocery shopping is even starting to get to be too much- and I enjoy that normally. I didn't have the energy to make my Sunday yoga class, even though the stretching would have been nice. I said I would go Monday night instead. Come Monday, and all I could think about was laying down when I came home from work, which is what I did.

Suffering from insomnia?

One thing that is probably a good source of my struggle is that I have insomnia. I wake up at strange hours, with my mind wandering, worrying. I cant get back to sleep and then I am exhausted when it is time to get up, or mid-day when I need to be the most productive. This morning I woke and went to get some cereal, checked my email. It was funny because I had just received an email from "What to Expect" about insomnia, which evidently affects 75% of pregnant women in the third trimester. That's me!

Lactation Education

Yesterday, Nick and I were invited to Lisa and John's house for a lactation consultation. Lisa and I worked together until just last month when she left her nursing position to focus on her pregnancy. She is having twin daughters and due in November. Lisa's friend, Tracy, works for the State Health Department and is a certified lactation consultant, which is her passion. She agreed to have a private consultation for us and taught us so much about breast feeding!

Me, Tracy and Lisa 

We watched two videos and went over extensive materials. I was glad that Nick was there because I think it will help us both to be prepared for the challenges and time commitment that breast feeding will bring. I am still wrapping my brain around how often the baby will need to be fed, and what that will mean for our schedules...and sleep! After meeting with Tracy, I do feel a bit more prepared and less nervous about it. It seems like so many of the people I know say how hard it is. Tracy said that it is the system that fails moms, not the moms failing themselves when they face challenges. There is help out there and hopefully things will go smoothly for us, but we will ask for any and all help we can get if/when we need it!

30 Weeks, and a Party!

On Tuesday, I went in for my 30 week appointment with Dr. Brown. I was really looking forward to this visit because I had some concern that I wasn't feeling the baby move as much as I should. She said that everything looked great! The baby's heart rate is 150 bpm and she said I have nothing to worry about and I am very low-risk. I have gained 20 pounds as of this week and I am pleased with that- I should be right on track for a good target rate of no more than 30 pounds.

Here is my profile at 30 weeks

Yesterday I arrived at work for our weekly hospital team meeting and was surprised by a Baby Shower from my teammates! It was a real surprise and was really sweet! I felt like I was 10 years old again having a birthday party when I was opening all of the gifts. I got several items from the registry, cute outfits, and diapers. They had a really great breakfast as well and I was really touched.

Baby Shower at work

By now, things are starting to pile up! I have all the baby stuff laying on the bed in the study. I think that room is starting to drive me crazy and I must do something with it soon. I have definitely identified a real sore spot for me...if anyone else asks me about my nursery theme, I am  going to SCREAM! I want to say that the theme is "chaos." That is what it feels like at this time. There is no theme, there is no crib, there are no "colors" and there really is no nursery!! I have convinced myself that it will be OK, but the more people ask me about it, the more I start to feel irritated and upset. Maybe this weekend I will at least clean out the room and I will feel better about it, maybe!

Post-Vacation Blues

After being off work for two weeks, I knew that today would be hard to go back. I am feeling sluggish and work can be, well...so much work! Yesterday after a two week hiatus from yoga, I went back for my Sunday morning class. I was really looking forward to it and got there early. 

I sat in the lobby by two girls who were also there for prenatal yoga and they were discussing their baby nurseries...paint colors, cribs, bedding, etc... I sat there thinking about our "nursery"/study which is full of boxes of clothes, knick-knacks and military garb, oh and a queen size bed. The walls are very much white, and will likely remain that way until we move out. My thoughts quickly shifted the the house we just sold- the 4-bedroom with closet space galore. Not that I wish we still had the house, but I couldn't help but think about which room I would have selected as the nursery. 

Back to class. Today's class was jammed pack, and per usual, everyone goes around the room and says how many weeks they are and how they are doing, etc... I was 3rd to go and I mentioned feeling kinda sluggish and a mental block about going back to work tomorrow, after having 2 weeks off. The instructor, who I now find incredibly annoying gave a pity-smile. I though to myself "If only you knew what I would be stepping into tomorrow!!" Then there were two different women who proudly announced that they were at 26 weeks and that tomorrow would actually be their LAST day of work. Before I knew it, my eyes were welling up. 26 weeks? Last day of work? I still have 8 long summer weeks left to go of being on my feet, going from hospital to hospital, dealing with other peoples' crises and demands, meetings and more meetings. I had to stop myself from going too deeply into my one-yogi pity party! I made it through the class, but my mind was distracted. I had a sense of dread about the demands that awaited me. I think that I realized that if going back to work tomorrow, after only two weeks away, would be hard...then how much harder will it be when I return after my maternity leave? 

I tried to pump myself up about today. That maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I anticipated. I barely slept and when I woke at 6:50 a.m., I had an hour's worth of voice mails (and that was just from Sunday) to go though and 9 patients in 4 different locations. All of them were new to me and had their own complexities. I lay there with tears streaming down my face. I did not want to go in. Where would I start? I was already tired. I made it into the office and printed off a mountain of papers to take with me on my way. When I arrived at the hospital and started to engage, it really wasn't that bad. I was reminded that I have a greater purpose than just being content with my leisure time. My work was chosen by me, and I by it. I was reminded that the people I work with are special people who are my friends and that I would not have them in my life if I did not rise to the occasion M-F from 8-5. They have to work too...I am not the only one! I have a supervisor who I respect and who knows the struggles of this work. When she saw me in the office, she said "I thought I would find you crying in here." I said "No, I already did that!." It's nice to be understood, and then I went about my day. It ended up not being that bad and I allowed myself to do what I felt comfortable with, knowing that I will get to the rest of it all tomorrow. And it will be okay.

Tomorrow I go in for my 30-week appointment, and I am excited. We are getting so close to meeting our baby daughter! Even without custom paint and coordinated nursery bedding, she will have the best life and ours will be better for it too.